Two Spoon Night

It was the night before his 5th birthday, the final night of him being 4. The last night before he would hold up all the fingers on one hand to show his age for the first time. It was a significant milestone; I was saying goodbye to my toddler and preparing to welcome a little boy the next morning.

It may have been my mama heart over-feeling the feelings he was having, but I believe he was a little sad too. It was as if he realized he was leaving a part of his childhood behind that night. He held me a little tighter. Cuddled with me harder. He wanted to watch Spidey and Friends to close out his 4th year; a hero that tomorrow would become just "little kid stuff." So, we did. We snuggled on the couch while Daddy and Bobby went off to bed. It was a school night, but I knew that soaking up every waking minute of this night would be worth every sleepy moment in the morning. He told me how he would hold me safe in his heart forever. That no matter where in the world we were, he would love me. He asked for all the assurances that I would live with him forever and made me promise that he could be my first kiss. He snuggled up again, satisfied for the moment.

I kissed him on the head and told him to wait where he was- i had a suprise for him. I grabbed a small tub of nutella and two spoons from high shelf and sat back down on the couch where we had been cozied up with Spidey. His eyes widened with delight as I handed him one of the spoons and dunked mine in the chocolate treat. He smiled as brightly mas I'd ever seen and dug in. The words had stopped coming but the conversation continued with smiles and winks. And an occasional head rest on my shoulder. The only sounds that remained were a few smacks of the tongue and clinks of the spoons. Intermittently, barely audible chants of "Go Spidey, Go" grabbed our attention.

My mind's camcorder kicked on. I didn't know if he would remember this, but I would. I would remember closing out the toddler years with my baby in the later hours of an otherwise unmemorable Monday. I would remember his chocolate smile and his silver spoon. I would remember his little hand sliding under mine as he tried to muster his courage to embrace all the things he would be and do as a 5 year old. I would remember his apprehension in growing older and hoping that I gave him enough love-in that moment, in all the previous moments and in all the moments yet to come- to sustain him and hold him when he grows up and when I'm gone.

Eventually, he drifted off to sleep. I gently laid him down and cleaned up the Nutella remnants.

As I washed our spoons, I took a deep breath. My baby, my precious boy, would never again hug, kiss, or cuddle me as a 4-year-old.

There was just enough Nutella left on each spoon for one last taste...because it was a two spoon night.

These are the memories we carry with us. The small, seemingly insignificant details that shape our lives and the lives of those we love. As he grows older, I hope he remembers these nights and feels the warmth of our bond. I hope he knows that no matter how old he gets, he will always be my little boy, and I will always be here for him, sharing our special moments, one spoonful at a time.