Daily Affirmations

I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!

Allegedly (and backed up by Stuart Smalley), routinely speaking positivity into the mirror can boost your self esteem. Daily affirmations are designed to reduce negativity and the impulse to self-sabotage. And, repeated often enough, you may even start to believe it (because of course, it’s true). I have incorporated this theory into my life…I just omitted the “positive” aspect.

My daily mantra consists of two itty bitty words that pack a powerful punch. Like Kool Aid, without the party in a pitcher. Two words that are simple and truly resonate, since they encompass all areas of my multi-faceted world. I wake up, take a deep breath, look in the mirror and say: I suck.

Ahhhh, that felt good. Like the cozy chill of a peppermint patty.

If you had asked me a few years ago to be someone better, do something different, excel at this or that- I would have bent over backwards trying to prove myself, not only to you, but to me. I always had to be the best, because (to emulate the iconic Ricky Bobby) if I wasn’t first, I was last. And if I was last, I was nothing.

When my now 2 year old was born, I was so worried about not doing everything perfectly right; that people would see me and realize that I had no earthly idea what I was doing. A lot of that was due to a deep postpartum depression (that’s a whole other post), but a good bit of it really was (is) how I thought of myself.

When I first started working, I had a fake-it-til-I-made-it approach. I’ve always been a quick learner, but I gave up my full ride to college and joined the job force earlier than I was prepared for. I was young and I looked even younger, which made it difficult. I worked hard at appearing older by my clothes, my actions, my impeccable 80’s pop culture references and even ordering my cokes (fine, it may have been chocolate milk) in a coffee mug (I hate coffee) for early morning meetings. I picked my words carefully and I avoided any millennial jargon (although WTF tends to make it into my vocabulary more than I’d like). Point being, I contorted myself to appear as the world expected. And to avoid the world realizing that I sucked.

In college (my second go-round), I had a professor of Polynesian/Spanish descent who was as wide as he was tall. He would saunter into class 5 minutes late every day. He would routinely plunk his briefcase down on the table and begin each lesson with the following (in a monotonous tone that could rival only the Clear Eyes guy): “I know, I know. Math sucks. College sucks. Dr. Pal sucks. Let’s get started.”

It was funny then. It’s fitting now. My husband and I frequently reference the infamous Dr. Pal. If my oldest is fighting a change, our go to response is “I know, I know, being 2 sucks. Diapers suck. Dr Pal sucks.” If our baby is fighting sleep, it’s “I know, I know, naps suck. Being a baby sucks. Dr Pal sucks.” I started adopting the mantra as a white flag of defeat. Lord knows I try, but 99 out of 100 days, I’m just barely treading water.

Just this week, I missed a meeting (like, completely 100% forgot) because it was a Monday and my 2 year old did NOT want me to leave. There were tears from both of us and all I could think was, I know baby, I know. Mommy sucks. It took bribery, extra snuggles, more bribery, Blippi and the frowned upon morning sweets to peel him off of my feet. I was still dodging dirty looks when I closed the door. I felt like a monster leaving him.

It took me well over an hour to leave my house. When I realized I missed the meeting, I said the only thing I could say to my coworkers:

I suck.

Because sometimes, giving yourself the grace to suck is the best affirmation.