My Beef with Panera...A Birth Story.

Friday, May 1st, was scheduled to be B4’s birth day. As much as I didn’t want another c-section, I was more terrified of the unknown. God decided that a c-section was not in the cards after all…and He also decided that I should no longer give Panera any of my money.

Tuesday morning, around 8am, my water broke. Having not experienced this in the past, I wasn’t entirely sure that I didn’t just pee myself. I casually told Hubs. I wasn’t sure he believed it either- then B3 wandered over to the crime scene, bent down and said “yuck.” So, we started getting ready to head to the hospital. By the time the sitter arrived and we peeled ourselves away from B3, it was 11am and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. As we started driving, Hubs wanted to stop and get a bite. I was hungry too, and figured it would be my last meal for a looooong while, so I agreed.

We pulled into Panera.

All I wanted was a bagel with cream cheese. A nice carb-y bagel to get me through the next 24 hours of what would undoubtedly be the most physically demanding experience of my life. So I ordered a cinnamon raisin bagel with vegetable cream cheese (don’t knock it until you try it). No cinnamon raisin bagels. I ordered a plain bagel with chive cream cheese. No chive cream cheese. So, I placed an order for a plain bagel and plain cream cheese. I felt like this should have been a little more of a commemorate meal, being that it would be my very last meal as a mom of one tiny human. But, I would have to live with it. A plain bagel and plain cream cheese is what it was meant to be.

We gathered our meal and got back on the highway. By this time, the contractions were 4 minutes apart and getting a little um, louder. In between two contractions, I took my bagel out of the bag and dug around for the cream cheese. I didn’t have long to scarf this thing down before another contraction hit. I kept digging. And digging. There was NO CREAM CHEESE. What is the POINT of a bagel without cream cheese??? There is no point. That’s the point. I was angry. And hurt. Not that Panera and I had much of a relationship to begin with, but to let me down at this level? On THIS DAY? I felt like even White Castle would have put in more of an effort. I took a few bites of a very dry, boring, PLAIN bagel and threw the rest in the bag- mumbling obscenities that had nothing to do with the increasing contractions.

We arrived at the hospital, checked in and confirmed that it was indeed my water that broke. I was now trapped. I would starve until B4 was fully outside of my body.

The hours went by somewhat uneventful. I was permitted an ice pop here and there. They only had grape.

As the contractions grew more intense, I would complain more about Panera. Hubs decided that as long as I was steaming over my let-down bagel, my pain level was minimal. My stepdaughter texted me to check in throughout the day. With each check in, she would ask if I was still mad at Panera. Always yes. It was my Lamaze. Breathe in flowery, sunny thoughts…breathe out Panera.

The epidural guy came in. Kyle? Kevin? Jason? Didn’t matter. I loved him. I had been in labor for 12 hours at this point and this guy really came through for me. He was the very opposite of Panera. Epidurals are amazing. Not as amazing as a warm, toasty cinnamon raisin bagel with vegetable cream cheese, but a pretty close second.

4 hours later, with one hour of pushing, my little man was born. As B4’s full head of hair came into view- I made sure my husband knew I was STILL mad at Panera (just to drive home the point one final time).

Because my first delivery was a c-section, I didn’t have the experience of holding B3 right away. With B4, even the doctor didn’t hold him before I did. I immediately reached for him and snuggled him on my chest and thanked God for him. He was so, so perfect. My little B4 didn’t even cry. He was (and still is) the most content baby. He had the sweetest eyes and the most perfect cone head. I was so in love. I loved him more than the epidural guy.

I even loved him more than a cinnamon raisin bagel with vegetable cream cheese.

And I still haven’t been back to Panera.