Imposter Syndrome
On a weekday morning last week, while out of town for my husband’s conference (technically, it’s my conference too but we had kids, so…) I sat on an Adirondack chair on the south lawn of our resort, soaking in the Colorado breezes and letting my eyes drift to the snowcapped mountains. I was munching on an everything bagel with cream cheese (NOT from Panera) and sipping my Grande Mocha Frappe from the hotel Starbucks. I had my feet up on the pavers of the firepit.
My beautiful children were chasing each other blissfully on the perfectly manicured albeit slightly manufactured grass. They ran to the top of the hill where the night before, they had seen tourists photographing the views and wanted to see it for themselves. They waved back at me. I’m pretty sure I saw them blow kisses and mouth the words “I love you, mom!”
It was so serene.
If I had been someone else looking at me, I probably would have thought- “Man, this girl has her sh*t together.” I mean, what mom of two young boys can eat an entire bagel without sharing or enjoy a frappe while actually SITTING DOWN?
But little did those unsuspecting onlookers know, this picture-perfect moment was merely a facade, a brief respite from the chaos that was about to ensue. You see, life has a way of reminding us that what we see is often far from the truth. Welcome to the world of imposter syndrome: Motherhood Edition.
As I leisurely savored my last bite of bagel, the idyllic scene quickly unraveled before my very eyes. My boys, fueled by a limitless reserve of energy and mischief, decided it was the perfect time to unleash their inner tornadoes upon the unsuspecting hotel.
It started innocently enough, with a playful chase around the lawn. But within seconds, their innocent giggles turned into maniacal laughter as they sprinted in opposite directions, like tiny rebels defying the laws of physics. It was as if they had been possessed by mischievous spirits, hell-bent on testing the limits of my sanity.
I sprang into action, abandoning my cozy chair and frantically chasing after my pint-sized troublemakers. In my haste, I knocked over my half-empty frappe, its sweet contents spilling onto the pristine grass. As if the universe itself was mocking me, I slipped on the spilled coffee, landing with an undignified thud. The mountain air suddenly felt colder, the breeze biting at my exposed pride.
Meanwhile, my sons had taken their game of cat and mouse to new heights. They darted through the hotel lobby, past the startled guests, leaving a trail of chaos in their wake. The perfectly arranged rock gardens were now scattered haphazardly, the potted plants precariously teetering on the edge of disaster.
A woman at the front desk, her eyebrows raised in both amusement and sympathy, attempted to intercept my wild children. But alas, her efforts were in vain. They were like tiny Houdinis, slipping through the grasp of anyone who dared to thwart their freedom.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity but was probably only five minutes, I managed to corral my little rebels. They stood before me, panting and grinning with an air of triumph. The hotel staff exchanged glances, undoubtedly relieved that the chaos had subsided.
As I returned to my abandoned chair, a mixture of exhaustion and defeat washed over me. The reality of motherhood had once again shattered the illusion of perfection. No filter or well-curated Instagram post could capture the chaos, the frustration, and the never-ending energy that came with raising two young boys.
So, the next time you stumble upon those picture-perfect moments on social media, where it seems like a mom has everything under control, remember this: we're not imposters, but rather accidental beneficiaries of a glitch in the matrix. It's those rare instances when the stars uncharacteristically align, granting us a fleeting moment that appears as if we have it all together.
As for me, I'll cherish that half-eaten bagel and the first sips of a pre-spilled frappe, knowing that in the whirlwind of motherhood, these precious moments of tranquility are few and far between. They're like beautiful hiccups in the chaos, reminding us that we're doing our best in a world that often feels like controlled chaos.
So, here's to embracing those unexpected snapshots of serenity, where the universe conspires to grant us a temporary reprieve. And when the illusion inevitably fades, and reality comes crashing back in, we'll wear our messy hair, coffee-stained shirts, and exhausted smiles with pride, knowing that we're not imposters but survivors, navigating the unpredictable journey of motherhood one glitch at a time.